The Sister’s View is a space where the feminine perspective steps forward—not to speak over men, but to speak beside them. These reflections offer insight into the emotional, spiritual, and relational experiences women navigate, and how those experiences can deepen a man’s understanding of faith, partnership, and the human heart.
Proverbs 3:5–6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Looking for Answers in Scripture
Over the past few months, I’ve been making my way back into the Bible. I told myself it was for blogging material — a chance to brush up on my twelve years of Catholic schooling.
But the truth is simpler and harder to admit:
I was looking for answers.
I never planned on getting pregnant. My husband and I took extreme measures to avoid it. Motherhood was never something I desired or imagined for myself. I lacked the maternal urge everyone talks about.
Yet here I am, nearly nine months pregnant, unable to see my toes, rolling out of bed like a stranded turtle. I’m living a life I never planned to walk into.
Let me be clear: this baby was unplanned, but she is not unwanted.
She is loved. She is cherished. She is a blessing.
And still… the shock has been real.
When God’s Plan Shakes Your Own
We love to say “God works in mysterious ways,” but we forget something important:
The devil works in mysterious ways too.
I’m Type A. I thrive on structure, calendars, preparation, and plans. Control makes me feel safe. Predictability keeps me grounded. So an unplanned pregnancy? It has been a complete emotional, mental, and spiritual upheaval.
I spiraled.
I questioned God, I questioned myself, I questioned my relationship.
And the question that haunted me most was:
Why would God make me this way — craving control and stability — only to disrupt everything?
Then I found Jesus’ words:
“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” — John 13:7
You wouldn’t believe how frustrated this verse made me when I first came across it. It truly does encompass the chaos that I am experiencing and resisting. I don’t realize what God is doing right now, and He’s asking me to just wait?
If I’m not surrendering to God’s will, then I’m questioning it and therefore questioning Him. Looking back, now I can see that my resistance has been the real problem.
The Devil’s Subtle Attacks
The enemy hasn’t been tempting me with the obvious things.
He’s come after something far more vulnerable: my need for control.
I created new calendars, new lists, new documents. I agonized over birth plans, postpartum plans, backup plans for the backup plans. And all the while, I pushed my husband into the dark — which left him confused, hurt, and unsure of why I seemed so reactive.
It wasn’t because I didn’t trust him.
It was because I wasn’t trusting God.
The devil wasn’t trying to make me “sin.”
He was trying to make me doubt. He wants me to doubt God’s goodness, doubt God’s timing, and doubt God’s provision.
He fed thoughts like:
- Why would God put me through this?
- What if something goes wrong?
- Why hasn’t He explained any of this to me?
I was so consumed with demanding answers that I completely missed the miracle happening inside me.
Learning to Surrender What I Don’t Understand
I was resisting the unknown because I wasn’t trusting the One who already knows it.
Pregnancy forced me into a kind of surrender I never wanted, one that required loosening my grip on the illusion of control and learning to rest in faith instead of fear.
Slowly, painfully, I’ve started approaching God’s mystery with reverence instead of resentment.
I’m learning to be excited about what I can’t predict. I’m learning to walk into the unknown because it is only unknown to me — never to Him.
Psalm 27:14 says:
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
Waiting around for God to answer me has felt passive, and the devil has worked hard on motivating me to move out of anxiety. The reality is that waiting requires discipline, self-awareness and unshakeable faith. This waiting has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
But waiting is where your faith is tested and strengthened.
Choosing Surrender Over Anxiety
I am replacing my anxiety with surrender.
I am replacing my need for answers with my need for Jesus.
I am putting down my calendars and picking up Scripture with new eyes.
Not eyes searching for explanations, but eyes open to whatever God chooses to do.
In 28 years of following Christ, I have never felt my faith tested like this. I have faced loss and hardship before, but pregnancy has exposed a different kind of fear — one that attacks identity, trust, and the mind.
But even in my lowest moments, God has surrounded me with a husband who reminds me of His faithfulness, provision, and unwavering care.
God has never failed me.
And He won’t start now.
Closing Thought
Sometimes God doesn’t change your circumstances…
He changes you through them.
This season has not been about understanding His plan, but about learning to trust Him when the plan doesn’t make any sense.
And maybe that’s the real miracle here: that a heart once afraid of motherhood is being reshaped by the very God who writes every life into existence with purpose and love.
Scripture for Further Study
- Proverbs 3:5–6 — Trusting God over your own understanding
- John 13:7 — Clarity comes after obedience
- Psalm 27:14 — Strength in waiting
- Isaiah 55:8–9 — His ways are higher than ours
- Romans 8:28 — God works all things for good
Editor’s Note:
Thank you to our sister in Christ for contributing your experience with God.
Phantasma believes that it’s valuable to hear a woman’s voice—steady, sincere, and rooted in faith—sharing what she sees, feels, and learns along the way with God.
Because sometimes the perspective you need most is the one you haven’t lived yourself.
